Fighting for Freedom and Humanity!
Hi! my name is Mrs. Scarlet. I would like to share with
you real events and facts of prisons and what goes on behind prison
walls. All though I have never been in trouble and I have never
lived behind the bars I have been there. I have worked in
several prisons and county jails and would like to share with you
the truths and facts that you are looking for and probably some that
your not. I have a heart for the Inmates and wish more people would
get involved to improve their lives. They are not Dogs or second
hand citizens. They are people who have made bad choices in life. If
our Lord Jesus can forgive we should too. Like I say every day"
I am not there to judge I am there to do the best job I can and
hopefully shed light in a very dim place.
- Let me tell you how and why I got my first job in a prison. I
was married to an evangelist he did not preach very often but
occasionally was called upon to preach in the mountains, he drove a
truck for a living. We had been married for 13 years, our children
all had gotten older and moved out of the house. I guess you could
say I went threw a deep depression, called the empty nest syndrome
that’s when your Children don't need you any more. I have been
told I did too good of a job raising them, that when they left they
were able to stand on their own, and did not need me any more. Of
course your children always need you but at that time I was so lost
and depressed that, that place in my life was over, my children were
So I quit my job at a local ADAC unit (which is a
drug rehab unit) and started riding with my husband in the big
truck. We spent a lot of time together we had never really been
together. I was at home raising the children and he had really never
been with me for along period of time. You see I had never gotten to
know him that well.
After the second year that we were out
touring America. We were given an assignment to pick up a new driver
in Louisiana. I will never forget that day the rest of my life! We
picked him up at a Mobile Exxon station. The small truck stop had a
small diner and we entered from the back entrance. We ate and were
leaving the diner and were talking to the cook who had just finished
his shift, my husband and I were on the side walk, and I was walking
backwards talking to the man. My husband told me that if I had to
use the bathroom to do so then because it would be a long time
before we stopped. I turned to go back in, stepped off the side walk
into an open manhole no warning. I fell very hard, so hard that I
cracked the roots in my teeth, gotten a herniated disc in my back,
dislocated several fingers, and broke my glasses. Yes I was able to
stand up and walk back in the mobile station, where I was brushed
off they never offered to take me for treatment, so my husband
helped me back into the truck I got into the sleeper and there I
stayed for three days and nights.
The next morning I could
not walk or even stand. When I got home I went to the local Hospital
emergency room and this alone started a fire that would dictate the
rest of my life. I was never able to go with my husband any more.
After six months of pain medication, cortisone and barely being able
to walk to the mail box, my husband came in one weekend with a new
cell phone. I questioned him about the phone I hadn't even at that
time got his new number. We sat down he had brought a pint of liquor
in as well, that was something he had never done before either,
poured a big glass and began to tell me he was not happy and wanted
a divorce. It was that easy, the new cell phone rang his new
girlfriend on the other line.
He left and I had to find
strength inside my self I had never known before I still could not
walk I began therapy, got on my feet, I was not able to work in the
position that I had always had because sometimes it required lifting
patients, praying fasting every day.
I found a job in the
paper it would be the first prison job, it was near the place that I
grew up, I had to go back home after almost 40 Plus years I had to
start over alone broke and homeless the transition was scary, I
actually had to sleep in my car for a week until I got my first pay
check. You do almost any thing to survive. I ate crackers, ketchup,
and mustard because it was free. I was so broke and so hungry one
night I ate out of a garbage can, I had never done anything to
deserve this treatment I was so angry with god to think that a year
prior to that I had a home ,a ministry, and pride. Life had just
dealt me a Dude, and I was forced to see the other side that a once
sweet southern bell should have never seen.
I can remember
the first day, when I walked into the prison, the long walk was
frightening I pressed the button into the razor wire castle I could
not stop shaking I could imagine how it would feel if I was never
able to leave, I finally reached the door. The sound of a two ton
door shutting behind you is something that I had never heard before
it was a sound of dead weight and despair, I choked back a tear, I
wanted to run, I was silent, and could barely speak, all eyes was on
me, and if someone had of sneezed behind me I would have fainted, I
had only heard of stories of this place but it was a reality. I
could not leave it was food on my table and a place I could get
Insurance no matter what state my body was in. I realized that day
the choice I had thought I had made was not my choice at all it was
God choice I was there!
- I quickly found out that I knew nothing about the Law. By all
rights my father would have been considered a child molester if
had of gotten together with my mom in this day and age. You see my
father and mother had married very young. My
mother was 13
and my Dad was 18 . The year I was born they bought our farm. I was
one of three girls. But not your typical farmer's daughters. My Dad
was a wonderful man. He was an excellent provider. We were
considered poor but we never knew it. We all worked very hard it was
just what we had to do. I was under the impression that all
man kind was just like us.
Farming is a good way of life but
it keeps you busy and out of trouble. We had a typical Beaver
Cleaver family Our mother taught us how to be Ladies, we wore our
white gloves and stand out slips to Church every Sunday, she taught
us how to cook, wash clothes, and take care of our house before we
fed the cows and pigs. My Dad worked two sometimes three jobs to
survive. He also drove a big truck this was a pretty good living in
the sixty's and seventy's.
I remember when we were just
getting into junior High we had started looking at the boys and Dad
came off the road because he wasn't ready for his girls to grow up
yet. Now your going to think I am lying but I'm not! I
was 15 years old and I had
never seen a penis The first
time I seen one was in a nursing home. I was a candy striper that
was a volunteer that wore red stripe dresses and worked for free.
The older women in back were playing around and called me to the
back, they took me to
a room where a little old man lay covered
up in bed. Dean, one of those ladies uncovered the man he was
a double amputee and he had a penis that was longer than his legs.
My first thought was he had a growth! Then I ask what is
that! Dean proceeded to tell me that was his peter and told me
what men do with those peters.
I was so upset. I left
and went home. I went directly to my Mom and told her what had
happen, wanting her to tell me that that was not so. I was
devastated to learn not only did men have those ugly things but my
Dad did too. My Mom laughed at me and ask me, did I not know that,
that was the way I was conceived I didn't have a clue. So you can
see just how stupid and nieve I was when I grew up. Little did I
know that one day a population of 1800 would show theirs to me not
all at the same time but one by one I have seen thousands.
all this boils down to is! I had not made much progress in
life when I started to work in the prison. My self esteem
lower than the belly of a snake being dumped and abandoned by my
husband, made me a good target for Inmates to play games with me.
The first orientation day I had was 95% on how to avoid
contact with the inmates and how they "were the scum of the
earth" the lieutenant Drilled the thought that one of those
Inmates would slit your throat in at any given time. I learned the
term shank, bully ,sissy and jacker we were taught self defense, the
grand finally that day was the lieutenant took us to a large picture
that was at least 20 feet long it contained many pictures of women
and men who had given their lives in the line of prison duty.
I began to read and most of the women that had died were
under the category of Food service. I thought that to be
strange. Little did I know that the Inmates were fed only two meals
a day, and that the protein source was a meat called mystery,
or (mystery meat). Now I know why they died they starved these men!
I have been hungry too, the lunch I had fished out of the garbage
was much more appealing than what these men were
- You have to know! That my personality is extroverted. I like to
laugh cut up and smile. There is a side of me that is very serious,
that is my faith. my boss the captain calls me Sybil because I can
act crazy and at any given time be the professional that I need to
be. I like to think that I can wear one boot and a classic pump all
at the same time. This is a learned behavior that I have to practice
to do my job. I don't know where and when I stared doing this but it
works and I want mess with perfection. I rarely show the wild
side but it is there. I like to get comfortable in my surroundings
it takes a lot of pressure off. But in the state prison I never got
comfortable, I always had the feeling that I was restrained. I
couldn't be my self.
My mind does not work like every body
else's. I don't look for the bad I look for the good! But in the
prison it was always bad. The first day I was there, I worked what
they called pill call, Oh my God! that is where the Inmate will come
and get certain
drugs like maybe for Hepatitis, Aides, and
mental Health medications. Let me tell you that is one more chore,
and if you are thinking about this, no! these inmates are not
separated they live all together. The bigger the prison the more
work you do. the state prison that I was at, had four sections. #1
Boot camp, #2 medium security, #3 General population and #4 Lock
down or another term SMU, all total about 1800 inmates. I had
two large carts filled with Drugs. We usually gave them out at 0800
am and 1700 PM a nurses job consisted of standing in one place for
four hours while a steady stream of men one by one
section received their medication. I never looked up! It was like a
card table and I was the dealer.
Many times the prisoner
would share that this drug or that drug was giving them certain side
effect. The officers working the pill call would push them out of
the window and not allow them to speak. It was if they had no rights
at all. The language was unmentionable. If one ever talked back, The
Cert team arrived and the one that had spoke up would have been
dragged to the lock down unit. When I say bad language I mean the
most fowl words you ever heard, not only the words many of the
prisoners were shackled and one of the cert team would stand
directly over that person screaming at him what a dog he was, and
how that if he moved one little finger he would be beat down. Can
you envision your child, your grandson, Husband, brother, etc. being
so broken so humiliated to the point they throw up. I was known as
the big pussy! I would be so tore up that I my
cry! I had never even watch stuff like this in the movies much
less to see it first hand. I am crying while I write this! I watched
a mentally Ill person refuse to get on his knees one time. He was
hit in the back of his knees with an officers Billy club or what
ever you call a big metal bar. Shackled, his knees bloody, elbows
bruised and dragged to the SMU building and his cry was so loud that
the whole prison could hear him, the man was praying, "God in
heaven Help me!" while the officer's laughed at him and made
fun of him. He was locked down with the cuffs still on his ankles
I had to pull a double that night when all my
"chores" were finished I went down to see what had
happened to him, I didn't at first think the guards would let me in
but I lied and told them I had left some papers in the nurses
office. There he was rolled up in a ball in the corner of the cell
he would lash out every time someone came near, I had to think
fast about what I could tell the guard to let me in there, so I got
the medication that he had missed and told the guard a big story
that if he missed a dose of that medication he might have to be
transported out to a mental facility, and I wasn't going to take the
blame if there was an investigation. So it worked I was let in.
Now I'm in and praying God let me get threw, with a soft
voice I said his name, are you alright! he was rolled up under the
metal bunk. He began to Sob, He called me Momma! that was something
I had not heard in a while. I ask again this time I said, "son
are you alright! he unfolded and came out from under the bunk and
said where is Momma! I called the guard and demanded him to take the
cuffs off this man! Yes I threatened! The officer knew I could cause
a lot of problems. It was the Law that no inmate could put his hand
on a member of the staff, but I let him cry on my shoulder and I
cried too. Thank You Jimmy Carter for closing down the mental
institutions, I can see this treatment is so much better for them
- My first encounter with Trieauge! (Tree-au-ge) (That is
screening a patient before the Doctor comes in) in an emergency room
setting. I had this elderly black gentleman come to the door holding
his chest. My supervisors all sat in the office ignoring his
problem. Well I hop up ran to the door and allowed him back in the
treatment room. One of the nurses yelled from her office. "Oh,
he does that all the time." This mans blood pressure was
out the roof! cold and sweaty I continued protocol which was do a 10
lead EKG !thank God the Doctor was still on the premises. I
had to ask for help three different times no one would budge from
their office. I finally got to the doctor and showed him the strip,
he then hops up and starts rattling off orders, we are on the phone
to the transport, to get him down to the cardiac unit in a local
Hospital. When the Doctor starts yelling orders, they all start
piling out of the offices.
The man was diagnosed with
100% blockages in two main arteries and bypass surgery was
necessary. Now my question is! If he did this all of the time how is
it no one ever found this problem before? A blockage never just
appears! A blood clot maybe but not a blockage! Guess that was his
I began to wonder how many men were in that
prison that were not treated! Money is a cherished item! The money
that family sends to put on books are few and far between. It
cost an inmate 5.00 dollars to go to sick call. If a family
member hears of their love one not treated get ON THE PHONE CALL WHO
EVER YOU CAN to get help! You can push buttons! Untreated
complaints are usually investigated and if you call often enough a
federal investigation is done! Do It! It works!
- My orientation was a stressful time. It was near Christmas
and every one was busy doing their own thing. The nurses were
fighting each other over who would get off that Christmas. I was not
asked, I knew I was the new person and I would be chosen to work. No
one knew any thing about me only that I was very quiet, and took
abuse well. If I opened up it would expose me as the broken person
that I was and put me the category of UNSTABLE. I had been a
nurse for a long time but in different areas. I kept my mouth closed
and they seemed to like me.
I was given the job (sick Call)
I was trained in two days, I had never been in a prison and two
days, does not give you a fair chance to learn. I was given charts
and it was explained on how to fill out the paper work and that was
all. I would leave the main post and drive to the medium security
area, gather my stuff up and go to a tiny office called the NUR
HOLE. I think that was short for nurse room. I was new meat, I
smelled good and wore makeup.
One by one the prisoners filed
by my office and would make comments! I had never been so sought
after in my life, my self esteem went from the belly of a snake to a
Queen in one day! I must say being on the other side was sooo fine.
No one told me that passing notes was wrong! I had 20 notes the
first day! I hid them all and did not say a word, I put them in my
glove box and took them to my new Government apartment! That was the
only thing I had under a small tree that I had stolen on the side of
Notes from Inmates that shared thoughts,
invitations and love! I begin to read the notes daily I
couldn't wait till I got home to hear the stores. I began to
get paranoid that the GBI might come to my house and find out that I
took notes home. My evenings were filled with laughter, and thoughts
no matter what condition I was in at the time it was no where near
what these poor men were going through. I was always asked by one or
more. What did you have to eat today or when you get off what are
you going to wear. These things are visions of the past for
these men. The questions of how big is your bed, was not a come on,
it was a dream that one day they to could return to a soft big bed.
I never let it go no further than a note. I never put in a grievance
on an inmate and the word got around I was no snitch! The men would
tell me stuff that was "going down".
It was good
but I could tell no one only pray for them. They trusted me and I
trusted them, more than I did my employers. At least I was not
scum to them. I was a light! A vision of home! A friend! Many came
to the Lord by my council, many put their live to good
rehabilitation in the core of there soul, that is where real reform
stems from, one's heart and the greatest miracle was in the process
this was healing mine.
- Christmas time in the prison is sad. But it is no big thing for
me any more when your family moves on and you have no one at home it
really is no big deal, maybe in the future but for right now it is
just to depressing and besides I find ways to ignore the holidays. I
am a wonderful cook but I end up throwing it all away, cause there
is no one here. Detached! That's the word I am
When you absolutely will not allow yourself to to feel anything.
This is what I have observed in the prison ,the men that have
families who care get packages sent to them.
The ones who
don't have family get nothing mostly Lifers. They are completely
indigent no money and no body. They are hard and cold they feel
nothing its like they have no soul. The system has forced men to
this. They are treated like animals, so they have no other out let
but to become stone. The ones that get packages sometime share but
not often, its all for one and one for all.
The young boys
usually fall in a trap that's what they call breaking weak! They
have no money and no way to get it and they end up doing favors for
honey buns, or other temporary items. A.I.D.S. is running
rampant in the prison.
I have often wondered why the prison
system does not have work programs that would give the prisoners
money, teach them how to work and give them a trade where they can
enter back in to society, but it is called dead time. When I was
raising my children, when they got in to trouble they didn't get
time out, they got more work put on them. Now I'm not talking about
prisoners busting rocks, or something less productive but this could
really be prosperous threw the state system, it could be a win, win
situation. The taxpayers would benefit, the families of the
prisoners would benefit and the prisoners would benefit. What is
wrong with that idea. We could have mini factories, that could be
operated threw the system its an idea. Oh I hope someone is
listening to this, I hope some one in high authority can hear me.
We all are going to face the Lord one day there are no
exceptions. The people who have had the opportunity to change lives
and have not done so. YOU ARE IN TROUBLE. Heaven for you may be
- When you don't have someone to love you, and you are all alone
you detach your self from life, you want allow any one to get close.
Divorce is a spiritual thing when marriage is severed. You go threw
a feeling that one can't explain, it is worse than the death of a
spouse, it truly takes along time to get your head together. I
wasn't divorced but my ex husband had not even contacted me since he
left the past summer and it was now January. You could not have told
me my Paul would have ever done this to me! I was a good wife, a
good mother and I all ways helped make a living, a good woman, I
never ran around on him, I prayed for him, and lifted him up, we
shared a ministry together, we brought many to the Lord, the last
time we ministered 64 people came to Jesus.
I guess when you
fall from grace you try to drag others down with you. I was
determined I was not going down but, I was
injured. My heart at
that point was of no return, The other three Children I helped raise
for thirteen years never contacted me either, and for the first four
months I cried my self to sleep ever night.
I had lost
my life my health and my pride. The men I gave pills to every day
were not as bad as him, and they were in prison, they would console
me. I told my story and they would tell me theirs. Buddy's Big
Brothers and many hit on me, but I always knew that it was not good
Odds this game was not fair only few females and 1800 men lets say,
1000 men and 800 sissy's competing with my perfume, they
didn't have a chinaman's chance! If you are homosexual reading this
I'm just messing
with you, I'm not a bigot! A little competition
don't hurt no girl! That just ain't my thang!
I began to see
how bad it was on them, some of the men were jilted while they were
locked up. How hard it must be, not to be allowed to cry. If you
showed your emotions in prison you were weak and you would get hurt.
The only emotion they were allowed to have was anger, or lust so
when they came to sick call alone they could pour out their heart. I
would never tell, a real woman wants her man to show his emotions.
But none of them were mine.
You women out there! And you are
reading this! If you have dumped your man while he is down, shame on
you! He's going through enough, without you adding more pain and
suffering. In my book sister your not much of a woman! You can wait!
It maybe a long time but this too will pass (that's my most favorite
scripture in the bible.)
- I had to stop feeling sorry for my self, I had to get back in
this life with boxing gloves. I wanted to return to society. I
began to date again this waiting to for Paul to come back was not
working, it was making me to depressed, to the point that I finally
went to a doctor and he gave me a new drug called Wellbutrin. I
needed that to help me. It makes you numb to your feelings, it keeps
you from crying. My real personality was coming back, I began to see
humor in tuff situations.
I was thrown from post to post. I
could work any where in the prison no matter where they stuck me.
SMU was the worse place, that was lock down, most women would not
work because of the jackers. That's where you go from room to room
opening up the tiny slide windows and make sure these men have not
hung their self. When you open the windows there is no telling what
you see. I made no comment, I only continued to proceed to the next
window. I seen (peters)! Big ones, little ones, and real BIG ones.
Most times when I entered the gates they had them out doing the
nasty on the sallyport, some times one, the other times a group of
them. I called that group sex. You got to the point it was just
something they did. Masturbating looking at a woman was normal. Oh
my God! You know I needed to eat to work in a place like this. If
you said any thing, it made it worse.
You remember earlier
when I told you when I first seen a Penis. When you say I have seen
it all, I have! I literally have seen them all. No! It don't excite
me! I feel nothing I just use my Wellbutrin. I hated Paul and I
hated the people who left that open manhole in Baton Rouge they were
the reason I was here! My own children lived miles
away. They did not know what their Mom was going through.
men in lock down began to yell my name when I entered the gates. OH
NUR! they would Yell! If I looked up you know what I would see. They
would ask me what my name was! I would tell them Jody Brewbaker.
That was my director of Nurses name. I told them I was the boss. She
was a heavy set blond too. I got away with it for a while. I got
really chewed out one day from my director, she called me in the
office and had a pile of grievances on her desk with her name on
them and she had not been at the facility the day of the incident in
question. Oh well my record was clean up until then!!!! I
have no comment about this problem. It is just one of those things
that happens in a prison. I didn't say that all these men were
innocent and sweet. this was a prison.
I found out that Jackers were no worse than the officers. I
seen an officer one day coming out of one of the cells in lock down
pulling up and zipping his pants. I had rang the buzzer at
least 5 moments to get in one of the lock down buildings to give
medications. I found a mattress in intake where they had
obviously been used as a love nest. I sat and listen to what
the officers did on their days off. I watched some of the
female and male officers have sex right there on the premises. We
had one female officer who would bring nude pictures of herself and
give them out. While the mail room officers went threw the mail and
pick out what they wanted and take it home.
as if you were mean and tuff, you could get a head of the game you
see you can rank up just like the army. Seemed if you were a
bigot, a bully and treat an inmate bad you could get a raise. Its
easy to be mean to a mental health person it wasn't hard for them to
mess with their brains when they were provoked to violence the
officer could beat them down. Many of the Inmate used these people
too, they often became punching bags, or sex targets out here in
free world it would be called rape. In prison they call that an
incident. Why do we have to put up with this? Why do we not have
facilities to help these people anymore, this is a shame, on
America, mental heath people are not treated any different than
harden criminals but they truly did not understand why they did a
crime to begin with. I have actually seen retarded people in the
system, what kind of a judge would put a retarded person in prison!
I want answers can some one give them to me!!
- Walking was something I had to do to recover from my injury.
I have this good friend she and I have been friends since Grammar
school we would walk and walk some times in the north part of town
and some times in the south part. Places that had not been since I
was a child. It was spring and my divorce was on the table, Paul was
hard to find. I didn't care what he was going threw it did not
matter to me any more nothing he could of said would have made any
difference to me now he was history he was a bad dream I had to get
him out of my mind.
While we were walking one day in a once
familiar part of town I heard a wolf whistle I looked on the porch
of a little house and there sat Danny, my first boy friend! He
was slim and feeble he had a beer in his hand. He still looked good
to me but it appeared that he was sick! I began to visit and we
shared stores of the past. He knew everybody and he could tell you
what had happened to any or all of the people that we had graduated
with from High School. He had a liver disease from the alcohol but I
didn't judge him we all have things we are not proud of in Life.
This was the his devil not mine.
The thing that was going on
at the prison was! We had two Nurses on second shift who were caught
fraternizing with Inmates! I had mention in an earlier article that
it is against the Law to mess with the Inmates! Both of the Nurses
that were caught, lived together, they were roomies. They had been
bringing in food and jewelry and sending the two orderlies that
medical money, apparently having sex or something in
one of the exam rooms. Oh well! It wasn't good but it still wasn't
what the officers were doing! In life I found out there are two
type's of people the caught and the uncaught! The one's in the
prison are the caught and the ones out side the gates were the
uncaught. By then the prisoners knew me by name and they began to
The game that they played and I had no control
over was the state had a regulation that when an Inmate would
complain of chest pain no matter what age we had to transport them
to medical in a little golf cart with a gurney strapped to the back
that's what we called the ambulance. We then took them to the trauma
room and did EKG's, they liked for you to open their shirts and let
you put on the sticky leads on their chest. This was a game that
took a lot of time but I tried not to let it piss me off. I called
it ("Chet Pain")
We had a new orderly in
Medical his name was Rotenio, I loved to scare him! I would
watch him put razors in his pocket, he had a bald head, I would get
right behind him and yell just as loud as I could "ROTENIO"
he would drop all the razors and grab his chest. I did that quiet
frequent, he always looked around before he lifted razors. Yes, by
now you see I am a little deviant but this action led to an incident
that happened to me that I never mentioned. I was in the back
setting up the exam room for sick call this was in the main
building. I had my back to the door when all of a sudden Rotenio
rush into the door then he shut it, at first I said, "Well you
got me back didn't you" and I held my chest. Then he forced his
body on me, pinning me up to the wall and tried to kiss me. I was so
scared but I tried not to let that get to me! I pushed him back and
told him that if he didn't want to be locked down forever not to
ever do that again. Thank God! he took the warning, he didn't
do that again and I didn't scare him any more, we had a professional
relationship there after. I didn't ever kid around any more.
- Well I finally hooked up with Paul. He called me one night at
midnight, his proposal, was that He would give me the divorce if I
would file taxes with him. At that point I would have done
almost any thing to get his Cursed name off my drivers license every
time I cash a check, I seen his name. Every time I signed my name
there was his name. I hated it. I hated him and his wicked
children. In all the absenteeism I found out his son had
molested my son when he was nine, I found out that Paul had ran
around on me from day one. Why is it that no one bothers to tell you
these things when your married. I made monthly trips to the
health department being tested for STD,s and A.I.D.S I was clean.
Every day when I walked, I stopped in to see Danny, I
cleaned his house took him to the doctor, the dentist, go get his
groceries just some one to talk to besides he was sick and I needed
to be needed. When the taxes were filed then so was the
divorce. Paul didn't even show up. No fare well kiss my ass,
no nothing. I guess thirteen years meant nothing to that jerk.
Here I am 43 years old I gave that man the best years of my life and
I'm am treated like an old shoe pitched into a closet. The only good
thing I could feel toward him was I know what comes around will go
around, what he just did to me and had done all those years would
come back on him.
My old car was just about ready to bite
the dust. She had been a good one, I had put 200 thousand on her
since I had her. I was once a home health nurse. I taught my
children how to drive and being a teenager she had been in most the
ditches in the
county. But she was mine and paid for. I
knew it would soon be time to give her up. I explored the thought
that I could get a car at a buy here pay here dealerships but I got
a better offer.
Danny had a plan, he wanted to marry
me. We had fun together, he had a house, he couldn't drive, we
made a deal. Yes
soon I was married again. I had a
new Truck and I had a home. I loved him but not like he loved
me. My children were upset! I had not told anybody, Danny was very
good to me. He indeed treated me like a Queen. He got me any thing I
The first week we were married he went into the
Hospital with an esophageal Varies, he threw up more blood than I
had in my body. He half way got better then he came home. We
never had sex, he was too sick. Two months later he died. Now!
I am a widow, I refuse to go crazy. I refuse to let this get to me.
The prison did have good insurance and I buried him with it. His
family was going to cremate him, he use to beg me not to let them do
that. I was glad I didn't let them. We lived six miles from
the crematory that piled all the bodies up. You must of heard about
it. It is the Marsh case and is not settled yet. No one in the
prison even talked about it all they said is sorry only one came to
Back to square one the house was willed to the
children, I was stuck with hospital bills, his family even dunned me
flowers they contributed to nothing, the day after I was
told to move, I was not given any thing, so I took my furniture put
it in the storage and begged my Mom to let me live in one of her
apartments. My mental state was bad. Depression hovered
over me like a glove.
I had been giving T.B. test at the
prison every month since I had arrived over a year ago by that time.
I was called into Jody Brewbakers office we were going to be visited
by the state that month and all the higher ups were locked in there
offices going through the inmates charts. I have never been talked
to like I was that day I was being yelled at like an inmate,
Humiliated, I was told I was the worse nurse they had ever had. I
was incompetent. I was a Dog. I was told that my 25 years experience
was shit. I was told I was never to give another T.B. Test at that
prison. Oh man! What in the Hell had I done. Apparently I read
some T.B. Test positive and no one followed up on it. Now they were
tracking all the T.B. test all over the state, because no one
bothered to read the T.B. log and it was my fault! I don't think so!
I was told to drop it but I couldn't cause I was just assaulted by
words that has never been told to me before. I am a good nurse! No I
am an excellent nurse!
Instead of looking for those
men that tested positive they went back and illegally changed the
records I know what a positive test looks like I have a positive
T.B. test myself but I have been treated. The 20 plus people
that had positive test have never been treated! They will
never be unless someone retest them and finds they are positive.
Hush don't tell any one, that will be our secret. RIGHT! Blow
your horn it happened and that's what they were doing all shut up in
their offices changing records and shredding some. Mistakes
happen but they should never covered up.
- I have had this Vision in the back of my mind. I seen my self
drive one of those Big Trucks, I have wanted to do that since I was
young and my Dad drove one. I kind of liked the idea, being in love
with some one being in a different place every day I enjoyed it when
I went with Paul. I didn't know he hated me.
When all this
went down in the prison I had to leave, these people are wicked and
didn't want to work there any more. I thought I could sit as well as
I could walk. So I enrolled in a Trucking school, worked a notice
and left. I had worked there one year, enough for me. Yes I got my
licenses and begin to drive I didn't make enough money to be on the
road I got to come home every 2 months. By then my son and his wife
had a baby every two months was not enough time to spend with him,
before I left back out.
My back hurt me all the time I spent
all my time alone. I liked it that way. I didn't have to
pretend I liked any body. I just drove and I was getting
pretty good at it. One evening coming out of Tampa, I was talking to
another driver in my company on the C.B. She was a woman too, only
her husband was with her. A voice came over the radio he ask
me if I was a lesbian or a whore. I politely told him neither
and got off the radio. I don't know how he figured out
what I was driving but when I pulled into a rest station he was
climbing in the cab on my side. I kicked him right in the face just
before he stabbed my right leg. I came home. More
Wellbutrin! I swear by it!
I started working at an
agency. I choose my jobs I still cant lift patients guess
where they sent me but now I worked for twice the pay. The same
prison that I had swore I would never go back to. All the higher ups
in the office were on vacation. This time
I worked directly with
the Doctor. It had gotten no better. It had gotten worse. One day I
was called to the SMU lock down unit. No one bothered to tell me
what for. On the far side of the building lay a young boy in the
knee, chest position. He was blue his O2 sat was 75, that means that
he was on his way out fast. I called for back up. None of the
officers were any where around him, they were at the other end
smoking. I turned him over. There appeared a red strip around his
neck his neck swelling and the boy was crowing when he breathed. He
had tried to hang him self. I asked one of the officers to call a
head of time and get the transport in route that he would need to be
sent to the Hospital. The officers just stood there, one made a
comment there are 100 more just like him waiting to come here from
the county jail. Help arrived and the 02 in place his neck
still swelling. I went over the officer's head and told the
lieutenant to call for a transport unit, who proceeded to tell me
that he didn't think that would be necessary, OH MY GOD! I have
never pitched a fit like I did that day! There were words coming out
of my mouth
like a Demon from Hell. Not only did I call
transport myself I called the Warden and I told him if he didn't
allow transport. I would be on the phone to the Governor.
had, had all that I could take I didn't intend for this Boy to die.
He was only 30 years old and his wife had just written him a
Dear John letter. She let him know that his little girl would
never know her daddy, because she had met someone else. I read the
letter and began to cry! I broke all the things that had been
built up in me came out that day. I was so upset I couldn't finish
my shift. I couldn't leave either for some reason I stayed.
stayed in the chart room my knees to my chest crying so hard. I
heard a noise looked up, there stood one of the most beautiful men I
had ever seen. He was huge and he was so sweet his name, well it's
Dewayne, but I want write any thing else about him. He is a book not
written yet he is my friend. I told you from the beginning there was
a reason that God sent me there.
- My short assignment was ending at the prison. I was offered my
job back although I would have been near Dewayne. I had gotten a
better offer closer to to home and allot less stress. This was a
full time job at the county jail, I could always see him later and
if it worked out between us like I hoped it would. He would have
been the reason that I had to go back. It would have
very reason that I was sent there in the first place.
county jail that I went to was very old and not very sanitary. The
county had just built a state of the art, brand new million dollar
Plus Detention center. I was hired as the second Nurse, the number
of inmates would increase two and one half
times the normal
capacity. It would have a large medical unit and many rooms
compared to the one room that the medical had at the present.
was still alone living in the small apartment that my Mom has
graciously has allowed me to live in. She has made a sacrifice just
to allow me to be here. I am 45 years old and am relying on my
Mom, this is sad but there is nothing I can do to change the mess I
am in. I owe bills that my two month marriage has left me and
a Truck payment that takes one whole check out of two checks I
make a month. I miss my life I had not so long ago, when my kids
were young, Friday night foot ball, where my children were the stars
and I was always there sick or not in the stands backing my babies
all the way. My six foot very handsome son was the captain of the
team and my little ,short, red headed Daughter was in the flag core
and in the band. Yes she is beautiful. I cant look back at that
time. It has ended but I can have the memories that it has left and
those memories are cherished no one can take them. They are all
- We have worked hard all week, making the transition from the old
jail to the new one. I actually moved medical my self in the back of
my pickup truck. I didn't lift anything we had trustees to do that.
They were glad to do it the nasty jail that we were leaving smelled
bad, was dark and in the middle of town. The new jail was in
the country, big and roomy, it smelled clean and
their own bathroom.
Before we left the old jail we had
several colorful inmates, while the new staff were being trained we
got an Inmate in that had once been in the prison system. He was
angry, mean and knew all the tricks. Some people are just Demon
possessed. I think he was. You will have to see the other side of
the coin. Our young little officer just right out of school, never
really been aggressive a day in his life, walks by this inmates
cell. The inmate states that he is packing some dope and he is going
to take it and kill his self. When the officers gets near the door,
he is slammed by human feces all in the face. Then the inmate
announces that he has the A.I.D.S. virus. Being the new nurse it was
my job to do the cavity check. It made me sick to get near him.
He was not mentally Ill, just mean.
When I did the search he
would yell "deeper, deeper honey, you are just tickling me".
That was a time I wanted to really hurt him I could imagine he was
my ex husband, he appeared to be as cold as he was. I remained
professional and ignored his gestures. Our Captain I think was
surprised at how professional I was and made the comment that
I was a very cool calm person. I smiled and told him I take that as
a compliment Sir. I went to the bathroom and threw up!
and men both, are housed in the county jail. I never knew how
difficult women could be. I had never treated a women inmate.
Its harder for me to treat a woman that has abused her children but
I cant judge them that is not my job. We were sent a video tape of a
baby being treated for Meth burns, his little cry was haunting. We
were ask to view the tape to decide if the mother was stable enough
to watch the tape because the tape would be played in the courtroom
I keep telling myself that Methamphedimine must
be a devil of some kind. I have seen so many come in our jail for
manufacturing and possession. I see that they would do any thing to
get this drug. It is poison! It really is. Some of it is cut with
draino, comet cleaner, baby powder or any thing else of that nature.
She was stable! But after seeing her baby burned to a
crisp and being put down in a debreedment tank and its little flesh
actually peeling off his body. She has never been too stable
after that and if you are wondering! God had mercy and took the
baby home. He died and now she is looking at life and a
20 years. She has wrote her own fiat. She is going to be in
the system for a while.
© Copyright 2003 Scarlet
Injusice System – Future Book